Why this sickness? husbands beating their wives.

“For every woman who is violently attacked, we reduce our humanity”

—Nelson Mandela

 I know that domestic violence is an affliction that many women face in their marriages today.  I also know that behind the façade of a blissful and happy marriage that most women portray in the public lurks the horror of a violent and sadistic husband. For many of these women, violent abuse by their husbands is their worst kept secret.  For many of these women, marriage has become bondage-a trap to keep them subjugated. But they must keep up appearances and endure a violent husband because the society frowns at divorce. For most women who are victims of violence, the thought of their home fills them with horror. The sight of their husbands makes their heart jump. It is a nightmarish dream they wished would end soon. But they are too horrified and traumatised to leave.  In the last few days, reports of some mind-boggling tales of domestic violence have left me in shock. Spousal violence has also led me into asking some hard questions about a scourge that is turning many Nigerian women into endangered species.

A few questions come to mind as I searched for answers to this terrible scourge. Why do some men batter their wives? Is it right to hit a woman whom the man had sworn to love and cherish? What could make a man hit a woman that cannot be settled amicably? Is violence in marriage a way to resolving dispute? Why do women stay with men who cause them trauma and injuries through constant battering? Are men who beat up their wives insane or psychologically unstable? Is woman battering hereditary? These questions have become necessary when one considers the rate of domestic violence in many Nigerian homes today. There is no need looking any further to confirm that women are being abused daily by their husbands. On a daily basis, news of domestic violence continues to grab the headlines-some have led to maiming, physical incapacitation and even death. But those are the ones in the public domain. The other category of domestic violence is those we don’t hear about. But they do happen anyway. They occur in homes where the women have been so traumatised that they could not bring themselves to reporting to the authorities or the media for the fear of their abusive husbands.

Domestic violence also cuts across social divide. It is perpetrated by even the elite-be it political, social, and economic and the well-heeled. There have been cases where even so called “men of God’’ turn their wives into punching bags.  Recently, a case of domestic violence which was brought to the attention of a court in Lagos caught my attention. The victim had narrated how she had been a victim of perennial battering from her husband in their 10 years old marriage. The woman had confessed how she had been the victim of vicious beatings from her husband. As I read the story, the part that left me in shock was when she revealed how her husband had battered her even while pregnant. At another time she said, with tears flowing, how she endured many miscarriages because of constant beatings. It was horrifying.  She said her husband beat her even while nursing their baby. The judge, who found it hard to believe her story, asked the reason behind her violent beatings. The reasons were flimsy.

According to her, she could be battered if his meal was not on time. She could be beaten during a simple argument or over the choice of television channel. She said her husband once got angry and beat her to stupor on a day his favourite English Premiership team lost! The husband who could not offer any cogent explanation for his constant fit of rage only begged her for forgiveness. But the woman who had found her voice was adamant in asking for a divorce.
-punch