new elements discovered

Two new chemical elements have recently been
discovered.
Here for the first time is a description of their
properties.
Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)
Physical Properties: Generally round in form.
Boils at nothing and may freeze any time.
Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if
not used well.
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly
unstable. Possesses Strong affinity to gold,
silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent
when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts
of exotic food. Turns slightly green when
placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good
catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the
most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced
hands.
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Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
Physical properties: Solid at room
temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily.
Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to
find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples
are unable to conduct electricity as easily as
young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with
WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form
strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive
when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for
prolonged period of time. Neutralize by
saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane
source. Good samples are able to produce
large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element
rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.