DISORDER IN THE COURT

From a little book called "Disorder in the
Court".
These are things that people actually said in
court, word for word.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of
the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis--does it affect your
memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your
memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of
something that you've forgotten?
Q: How old is your son--the one living with
you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said
to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: and, before the accident?
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to
school for it.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever
been involved in the voodoo or a cult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant,
were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she
got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a
person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
it until the next morning?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how
old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was
taken?
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who
was killed in the war?
Q: How many times have you committed
suicide?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: You say the stairs went down to the
basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate
honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a
beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning
pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to
your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead
people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined
the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering
why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was
alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in
a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive
nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive
and practicing law somewhere.