Is An Open Relationship Right For You?

Open relationships are mostly frowned at in the African settings. In certain countries of Europe, open relationships are accepted as a way of life. However, the fact is that, there  are a lot of two timings and infidelity going on all over the world. Blessing Ukemena and Kanayo Jubal Onukwuogu write.

It would require a lot of open mindedness to get into an open relationship. Here are some tips from research and working with couples as they explore whether an open relationship is right for them. This article will focus on getting clarity for yourself before you even approach your partner.

First, be honest with yourself about what you want from your current relationship. Are you considering new partners because you are bored or unhappy with your current relationship? Are your reasons for wanting to stay with your current partner primarily practical, i.e. will it would be inconvenient to divorce or separate? Can you identify things about your current partner that you love and really value about them? Are you happy being with them for who they are?

A functioning open relationship will require intense honesty, respect and ongoing communication. Do you and your partner currently have those skills and want to engage more with each other? Are you willing to take some time to first build the foundation of this relationship before adding other partners?

Here are some dos and don’ts that, based on the principles of open relationships, that can keep you and your partner excited about each other and less likely to grow apart.

 

1. Hold on to your friendships. Your friends bring out different aspects of your personality that are authentically you, and these relationships help keep you from losing yourself in your relationship. Good friends also offer diverse and distinct attributes to our lives. This counters the unrealistic pressure we put on ourselves to get everything from just one person or one relationship.

 

2. Expand your world; make new friends; try new things. Research shows that having a number of close friends adds years to your life. When relationship partners shrink their worlds to accommodate each other, the relationship suffers. Instead, meet your partner’s friends and have him or her meet yours. Try new activities together, and be open to each others’ interests.

 

3. Keep being the individual you were before you got in the relationship. When you give up aspects of yourself, you stop being the person your partner fell in love with. When you mold yourself to suit your partner, whether he or she asks for it or not, you lose your vitality and your relationship suffers.

 

4. Allow your partner to keep his/her friends. When you restrict your partner’s movement, he/she will start to resent you and may become less straight forward to avoid dealing with your reaction. Your partner needs to keep his/her friends for all the same reasons you need to keep yours. By letting your partner be free, you ensure that you’re his/ her “real” choice. You don’t want someone to be with you out of obligation, guilt or fear. You want it to be because they love you (and trust you) for who you are and because you love them for exactly the same reason.

 

5. Don’t lie to your relationship partner, even by omission. This means not engaging in activities with other men or women you are not willing to disclose to your partner. Deceptions may seem self-preserving in the moment but they will only drive you apart in the long run. When people find out they’ve been deceived by a loved one, they will often lose any trust in that person, which then leads to either heightened jealousy, attempts to control or rejection.

 

6. Don’t talk about relationship problems with other potential love interests. Using someone who is not unbiased as a confidant is unwise and may drive you and your partner apart.

 

7. Don’t use contact with other people to make your partner jealous. This is a form of manipulation. Even if gets your partner’s attention, he/she will resent you for it and think less of you in the long run.

 

8. Don’t create false expectations in other people who may be interested in you romantically. Be clear about your boundaries. If you aren’t, your “friend’s” expectations can lead your partner to feel unnecessarily threatened.

 

9. Don’t turn your partner into a parent where you are asking his or her permission to go out or do something on your own. In turn, don’t restrict your partner by imposing too many restraints on his/her actions. This creates a parent-child dynamic of inequality in your relationship that will have a ripple effect.

 

10. Avoid open relationship all together, it is too emotionally expensive. The one-man one-woman profile is always the best.


By: Blessing Ukemena, Onukogu Kanayo Jubal